My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
