At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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