is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize