i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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