So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
