Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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