That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
