You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize