Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize