did you get engaged???
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
