I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
