dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
