Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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