Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
