I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
