is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
how drunk are you?
Several
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
