it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
