I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
