If that was your dad, he is hot
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
