Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
