I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
