So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
