My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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