You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
