I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
