Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize