Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
