Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
