I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
