My pussy is not your playground.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦â€â™€ï¸
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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