how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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