I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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