Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
