I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
