Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
