His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
