i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize