i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize