so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
