the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
