Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
