I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
