return my video game
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize