Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
