You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
