1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
