She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
