I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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