So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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