you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
