Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
