So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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