She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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