i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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