Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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