im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
