Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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