grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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