You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Houston, we have a squirter
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
