btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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