my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
