I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
