The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
