oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
