I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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