Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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