But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
