the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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