I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
